revise practice test 2 or 3

for this blog i choose to revise test 2 as i was reading my essay i already found a problem in the first paragraph. The first paragraph did not introduce to topic enough let alone not even mentioning the main idea of the passage. But the topic sentence could use more work. i also found errors in all the paragraphs. both of the body paragraphs needed a lot more development  and in my opinion was not structured well enough. overall the essay was missing a lot of strong points from the passage i think the strongest error in this essay in the introduction paragraph if the intro paragraph introduced the main topic of the passage the examples in the body paragraphs would be more developed and structured better. I learned that from this essay i need to pay close attention to the introduction and go over the first paragraph to make sure i did what the directions of the essay asked for the first paragraph. the intro sets the tone for the whole essay if you point out the strongest detail from the passage in your essay writing the rest of it shouldn't be all that difficult. overall the entire essay could use more work and the introduction can be better written and the body paragraphs could be  way more developed.