revise practice test 2 or 3

for this blog i choose to revise test 2 as i was reading my essay i already found a problem in the first paragraph. The first paragraph did not introduce to topic enough let alone not even mentioning the main idea of the passage. But the topic sentence could use more work. i also found errors in all the paragraphs. both of the body paragraphs needed a lot more development  and in my opinion was not structured well enough. overall the essay was missing a lot of strong points from the passage i think the strongest error in this essay in the introduction paragraph if the intro paragraph introduced the main topic of the passage the examples in the body paragraphs would be more developed and structured better. I learned that from this essay i need to pay close attention to the introduction and go over the first paragraph to make sure i did what the directions of the essay asked for the first paragraph. the intro sets the tone for the whole essay if you point out the strongest detail from the passage in your essay writing the rest of it shouldn't be all that difficult. overall the entire essay could use more work and the introduction can be better written and the body paragraphs could be  way more developed.

personal directions for the catw

On the day of the test the first thing i must do find the title of the passage i am reading find the author of the passage then i read it a couple of times to give myself chances to find details in the story. highlight any major details so i wont forget and  i could go back and check without reading the passage again. then if i have any problems picking up details in the passage or find it hard to relate to the passage then i free write or brainstorm about the passage. when im ready to write the essay i know that it has to be four solid paragraphs. introduction two body paragraphs and an conclusion I know that the intro paragraph must introduce the topic of the passage(main idea) , the title and the author and  you must pick a specific detail in the passage and write weather you disagree or agree with the statement Then the 2 body paragraphs must support your reason why u disagree or agree with a personal experience or what you read or seen on television or what you learned in school. Both paragraphs should have four or five sentences with good development and has to relate to the story. Finally a conclusion paragraph is the last paragraph of your essay should overall summarize what you have wrote.


Now the weaknesses that i have i need to look out for ...for example i know that i need to fix the run-on sentences problem and grammar. and the fact that i lack knowledge on how to write a conclusion paragraph. I know brain storming and free writing will help me write a well developed 2 body paragraphs but the other problems i need to fix like the grammar issue a paper dictionary will help fix that problem and not knowing how to write a conclusion paragraph a little more practice on essay writing and scheduling appointments to meet my professor will help with that issue. But my hardest issue is the run-on sentences ive had this problem with writing for a long time, surprisingly i like to write so trying harder to fix this problem will not be an issue but with more practice and patience and writing more periods in my essay i will fix this run-on sentences issue and  all my weaknesses and pass the final exam. 

catw practice test 3

   Test have shown that music has an effect on the mind and the body. Elizabeth Scott wrote an article called "How and why is music a good tool for health?" The article talks about how test and experiments have been taken to see if music can heal, its called music therapy. It also says that music is being used to help cancer patients, kids with attention problems, pain management, depression, and to ease muscle tension. Another detail is that the beat of a song can stimulate the brainwaves to synchronize with the beat. I agree with that statement that music has an effect on your mind and body. When i listen to music it relaxes me, it clears my mind and helps me think.
   Music is good for the mind because the beat of the song or the lyrics could be the motivation for some people. Myself for an example uses music for motivation all the time. A song with a strong beat is usually used when I'm working out. I specificly choose a song called "do it" by a rap artist named T.I The beat is very loud and fast and has an amped feeling to it and in the chourus he keeps saying whats you waiting for do it you gotta keep doing it. Hearing that tells my brain and my body to not stop keep going and motivation is what people need to get things done. Music is also good for people going through hard times or even depression.
   When people are depressed a lot of things happen to go wrong in their lives. For me when im deperessed I always turn to music for my medication, depression is a  tough attitude to escape from a lot of people try to help but music always does the trick. The song for me is a song with a low toned beat to help me think and just relax and enjoy the small things in life. One of my favorite songs to help me relax is called "clocks" by coldplay. It has a piano type of beat and the lyrics of the song really helps me to think about everything around me.
   In conclusion of this essay we see that music is being used to help people health issues, attention problems, and depression problems. People look up to music artist and thingk highly of them. Probably the fact of having a favorite artist is probablythe key to music helping people.

catw practice #2

 Esmin Green, the woman who died in the waiting room of kings county hospital. ''The woman who died in the waiting room'' by Jeneen Interlandi writes about the horrific event that took place in brooklyn's largest psychiatric hospital. Esmin Green collapsed in the waiting room and it took about an hour for any of the staff to realize she was in trouble. the passage says that Esmin Green's death and no one coming to her aid right away is not a surprise and I as well agree with that statement.

 Esmin Green probably did not have any health insurance. In hospitals if you have no insurance you will get no aid it is that simple. A couple of months ago I fractured my ankle, and surgery was required. So when I got to the hospital, I didnt have no insurance. I was not able to get no aid for my fracture, in the E.R room I was told I need insurance just to get a hospital bed. Luckily Brookdale hospital has heath insurance programs so I applied for it and in the same dat I recieved a note saying I have pending health insurance and just for that little piece of paper I was able to receive assistance and a bed.

 It was said that the cause of death was blood clots in her legs. A lot of people have minor conditions that can be easily be treated with medication but cannot afford it. Hopital bills are very expensive, hospitals charge you for the room as well. Only thousands of beds for millions of people. In Esmin Green's case she had to be one of the million with no insurance.

 So we see that reading this passage showed me that her death possibly could have been avioded. It is obvious that she was not insured. Nurses and doctors would have came to her aid immediatly if she was insured.Knowing that their going to get paid for this patient. Its a shame that their is a price on health in this country.

ATW practice 1

   112-4 was the final tally mark on a vote in illinois that will allow young students who are in the U.S illegally to pay instate tuition rates at illinois colleges and universities. ''An education in citizenship" edited from the Chicago Tribune in march 31,2003 it  talks mainly about the landslide of a vote that was passed and the unfairness it brings to the legal citizens around the U.S. But I disagree with the story , I feel that it is good for the U.S to give illegal studentsa cheaper education.
   One reason that i disagree is because immigrants deserve chances that they don't have like american citizens do. Plus there hardworking people . Today if you were to look in most hospitals the majority of employers are born outside of the U.S with degrees and phd's. Plus the state of New York test scores show that asians have the highest percentage of passing grades. Giving people who are not born here the benefit of a cheaper education is good for the U.S Most likely if they are illegal their parents cannot afford tens of thousands of dollars every semester for there child . Not to mention that they are hardworkers and show more dedication ,its only fair to give the harder worker a chance that they deserve.

   Another reason why i disagree is because comming from an immigrant background i know personally how it feels to not be able to pay for an education because of where your from. My family is from jamaica and when i was younger my mother wasnt legal at the time. She worked at a daycare at home and because she was illegal she couldnt put my sister through college because she didnt have a social security number . Now if this bill passed at the time my mother would have been able to afford to send my sister to school . She was trying to attend virgina tech. Illegal students are not eligible for pell grants or federal loans. Just because there from a different background and is illegal doesnt give us the right to take away there education.

  So we see that chicago illinois recently passed a bill allowing illegal immigrants to pay in-state tuition rates. Even if illinois is charging legal citizens form other states more, the senetors know that immigrants will work harder for less money.

Response to Hype

   Advertisement is everywhere we go and it is everywhere the eye can see. In this passage "Hype"  by Kalle Lasn  it speaks on how the number of ads is getting out of control and that corporate America is putting ads on anything that is visual to the human eye. I agree with the author on the point that ads are getting out of hand because not only are ads on TV but there in places that you usually wouldn't expect to see advertisement.

  The number of ads that is seen in north America alone is 12,003,200,000 and that is north america alone.That is monstrous number of ads in america by itself. my own personal experience showes me that this is true. as i get up and get ready for school when i get on the bus they have ads on and outside the bus as for trains they have the same thing. Time square has ads on every block and one of my favorites is that building with coca cola ad where it looks like construction workers are inside the building fixing a giant coca cola bottle. When you watch TV the commercial breaks seem longer then the TV episode your watching and the amount of money companies pay the NFL to get there commercial to air during the super bowl because of all the viewers tuning in.

  And again ads are getting out of hand when i go to the ATM machine to get money i see mr. clean ads on the machine screen gas pumps with fritos ads on the novels. Advertisement has evolved from TV and billboards now they have little screens in grocery stores that show ads in the store while you shop. Again with another personal experience, we see ads everyday from when we leave the house untill we get in, I walk past a seven eleven and they have high definition screens displaying ads about the store and they have a narrator talking about the ads persuading people to come in the store and buy what the ad is displaying. 

  In conclusion  I have written an eassy about this passage it is about ads and how they are everywhere we go and that the number of ads are growing rapidly  I feel that ads should only be limited to Tv screens and on billboards companies are spending too much money on ads to get people to buy there product.


   

Summary of Allegory Of The Cave

Today I am writing a summary about the passage Allegory of the cave.The story is about a man telling a story about human beings being chained to their necks in a cave with their backs toward the opening of the cave. The people in the cave had the mind set of being locked in darkness is the way of life all they were able to see was shadows of living objects and things moving outside the cave. One man gets free and leaves the cave he know realizes that being chained in the cave was not the way of life he witnesses many things for the first time. He even realizes that the sun is what gives us energy. This man witnesses the beautiful world and realizes that the cave is not the way of life, so he decides to return back to the cave to get the other men in the cave but they refuse to leave the cave. They feel that this is what is life for them and they preferred to stay in the dark cave.